Daily Mail helps write DSM V

This Week In Mentalists linked to this story about the Daily Mail concern-trolling Emily Lloyd (an actress with a histry of mental illness) because she was seen in - shock, horror - a mismatched outfit, with a 'downcast' expression.  In my comment I mused on what it might look like if the Daily Mail helped write the DSM V (as clearly they know so much about it and are able to make diagnoses based on nothing but a single out of context image!) - I thought I'd repost it here, and see if anyone has any suggestions for what the criteria for other diagnoses might be?

Major Depressive Episode

A. Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) mismatched outfit or (2) looking downcast.

Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly due to a hangover or severe drug abuse.

(1) looking downcast at least twice in three years, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., gossip) or observation made by others (e.g.,paparazzi). Note: In children and adolescents, can be blamed on bad parenting.

(2) markedly diminished attendance all, or almost all, A List parties (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others)

(3) significant weight loss or weight gain (e.g., an apparent change of more than 5% of body weight since last appearance in magazine)

-

no weight loss or weight gain actually present but could be claimed due to unflattering clothes and bad lighting and three other symptoms are present

(4) diminished number of major film roles nearly every year, or recurrent appearance in tv advertisements

(5) mismatched outfit nearly every time spotted popping to the shops briefly (observable by others, not merely subjective reports in fashion columns)

(6) unshaved legs or lack of make up every time, or nearly every time, or just once but someone got a picture of it, when popping to the shops briefly

(7) acting ‘really depressed’ or ‘unstable’ as reported to the press by ‘close friends’ or family members in need of cash.

(8) diminished interest in doing interviews nearly every day (despite bribes or threats from trashy magazines and newspapers)

(9) being, y’know, a bit odd