It's been over a month now. My fibro flare-up seems to have ended, and all the bruises are long gone.  My tooth is nearly back to normal (it's not wobbly any more and only feels a little odd when pressure is put on it, and I don't taste blood in my mouth often any more).  My mood is pretty stable, comparatively.  I'm far from sane, but I'm about as good as I've gotten in quite a while.  I think it's only been a few days though, I'm not sure.  I know my mood's been low and high at various points over the past month, so I haven't stopped swinging or anything, but I am at least getting some relatively moderate periods, and on the whole I've been better than I was.  I've been unmedicated for this past month, and I'm still undecided about what to do about that. Given I tried to kill myself it seems sensible to try upping my meds, but given I've been the same or better since coming off them I can't help wondering if I should stay off.  On the other hand, my moods are still swinging, and sooner or later I'm likely to drop back down badly again. It might be sensible to go back on meds now and start ramping them up.  I was on a potentially sub-therapeutic dose before, only 300mg carbamazepine daily, when the normal lower end for bipolar disorder is 400mg I believe, so it might be worth going back onto them but at a higher dose.  I'm nervous of doing anything that could affect my mood while I'm doing better though.  I know I should go see my doctor and let her have some say in this, and I do need to go back, but I'm nervous of going without knowing what I want to happen.

It might sound silly, but I'm nervous of going back now I'm doing better in case she doesn't believe how bad it was.  It would have been best if I could have gone back right after, when I was so obviously a mess, but I couldn't cope with it then.  It's how it pretty much always works, I can't cope with seeing a doctor at the time when I probably most need to, so they never really get how bad it is.